Hey FairyGodMentor,
I don’t know if it’s Imposter Syndrome or what, but I know that being my own worst critic is getting in the way of how I’m showing up at work. How do you suggest that I lose that fear and silence that self-sabotaging voice in my head?
Thanks in advance,
Inner Critical
Dear Inner Critical,
I am the Apollo Creed of beating myself up! It takes a lot of intentional practice and positive self-talk. The best way to tame the fear is the shed some light on the matter. How do I turn on the lights?
1. Name Your Emotions: A huge part of self-sabotage is hearing those negative voices in your head and believing them. Just because it’s being said doesn’t always mean it’s true. Negative self-talk comes from fear and insecurities. One way to tame that fear and shed light is to name the emotions that are coming through for you. Having that self-awareness can help you identify your emotions and ultimately manage them.
2. Personify Your Inner Critic: I named my negative self-talk monster Davita. She was a childhood friend that got me in trouble — a lot. My negative thoughts pop up a lot of times when I’m feeling less confident. I tell Davita daily to be quiet or to go away. Listening to her in the past only got me in trouble.
3. Reframe Negative Thoughts: I also find myself correcting negative thoughts like when I make a mistake. I am gentler with myself. I’ll say something like “You’re not stupid. You’ve never done something like this before. You’re human and you made a mistake.” Think about it this way, would you speak this harshly to a loved one? No. So why would you speak this way to yourself?
4. Practice Daily Meditation: Another thing to keep the negative monsters at bay, I meditate daily for at least 5 minutes. I use that time to ground myself and set the intention for the day. My mantra is “I am WELL” (Worthy, Enough, Love, Light).
5. Visualize Success: If I have a presentation, negotiation conversation, networking event, or even a coaching call, I visualize how it will go. I see the audience engaging with me, and hearing the “YES” to my pitch. I do my best to be gentle with myself as much as possible.
6. Lean on Your Support System: I also lean on my support system. Your support system can look like friends, family, a trusted co-worker, mentor or a therapist. I share how I am feeling. It’s not always easy and sometimes I may need a little help hearing how I’m thinking about myself. My husband will often reflect on what I’m saying so I can audibly hear how mean I’m being with myself. Sometimes you need a mirror.
7. Celebrate Small Wins: Finally, one of my favorite impostor syndrome busters is to celebrate the small wins. At 7 p.m., my timer goes off and asks me what am I celebrating and grateful for today. This is my DIG Folder reminder. (Remember DIG stands for Damn I’m Good!) I track all types of personal and professional wins and lessons learned daily for each month. As I scroll down the list, I can see all of the cool things I did or thought. It’s a great self-sabotage booster.
Remember, Inner Critic, you belong in that room, that role, and this world. Reframing that negative monster in your mind takes daily practice but you got this!
Yours truly,
Your FairyGodMentor®
(Image courtesy of Kirsten White Photography)
Joyel Crawford is an award-winning career and leadership development professional and the founder of Crawford Leadership Strategies, a consultancy that develops empowered, results-driven leaders through engaging leadership development coaching, training, and facilitation. She is the author of the best-selling book and audiobook Show Your Ask: Using Your Voice to Advocate for Yourself and Your Career.
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