Dating can often feel like an overwhelming adventure, but there’s an exciting twist. Inspired by the viral YouTube sensation “Pop the Balloon,” we’re examining how singles over 50 can bring a sense of playfulness and excitement to their dating lives. You might have seen Michelle Obama’s Netflix hit “The Later Daters,” which shows that romance is still alive later in life! Today, we’re not talking about popping balloons but instead filling your own balloon with self-awareness and confidence. According to Shaneeka McCray, Certified Matchmaker & Law of Attraction Coach and founder of the HelpMeet Club, a healthy relationship starts with knowing and loving yourself.
Just as the contestants on “Pop the Balloon” embrace the surprises hidden within each burst, singles over 50 can approach dating with a sense of adventure and openness.
The key is to pop the balloon of preconceived notions and open oneself to new possibilities, experiences, and connections.
BHM: What inspired you to become a matchmaker?
Shaneeka McCray: I became a matchmaker based on my necessity and curiosity in terms of why dating is not working for me. It started more religious; we were Christian-based and then transitioned into a more elite company that caters to African Americans, really all singles, but Black women who are high achieving and high earning and are just looking for suitable companionship.
BHM: How can older adults build confidence when re-entering the dating scene?
Shaneeka McCray: You have to go inward. You can’t address something from the outside; you have to go in first, have those conversations with yourself, and be honest about why you believe you don’t have whatever you’re looking for. That is always the starting point. Instead of just going out and fixing things that don’t necessarily apply to you, learn yourself, and then you work on those specific issues.
BHM: Why is mental health vital for relationships later in life?
Shaneeka McCray: Your mental health is going to be number one with dating later in life. So, later in life, we have experienced a lot. Sometimes, there are small traumatic events or one big traumatic event, and the issues I’ve seen are people just not feeling love and not feeling worthy, which affects the relationship.
Returning to that personal relationship, you must already be full of love by yourself, without a partner.
When you can do that for yourself, love pours out of you. It must pour out of you so much that you can give and receive from another person. So, taking care of your side of the street will contribute to having a healthy relationship with another person.
BHM: How can people practice self-love in preparation for a healthy relationship?
Shaneeka McCray: Community. So, whether it’s a mental health professional, a therapist, or a coach. I think not all are created equal, so again, learning yourself knowing that
“Hey, I need more of a spiritual coach to help me through this process,” or “Maybe I need trauma healing. Identifying the help you need for your particular issue can be challenging, and sometimes, you will have to move around a bit.
Even in moving around, you find that “Hey, maybe I’ve gotten to a certain point with this particular mental health provider, and now I need something for the next chapter of my healing.” It’s going to be an ongoing process but based on what I’ve seen, it does get better, it does get easier.
A lot of what happens is that people don’t want to see themselves, and they don’t want to heal themselves. However, you can manifest a relationship and have the same results you had before getting the assistance.
So, yes, mental health providers are the ones that work best for you and where you are in your life journey. That said, ensure you have a community outside of these therapists.
BHM: How do you help clients embrace new dating experiences after reaching self-love?
Shaneeka McCray: I see some women in their 50s, and they’re very confident. I just had a client, a lobbyist, and we actually did online dating with her, and as soon as we got her on there, she connected with someone, sparked a full-blown relationship, and he’s younger than her, by the way. Flying her out to him and asking for a committed relationship. Many people, once they hit their 50s, are either battered or empowered. So, the battered energy is like, “I’ve been beaten up, and I don’t even think that this love thing can work,” and then you have the other sisters who are like, “I know who I am, but there’s just a little piece of me that’s off, and this is why I’m coming to you so that you can help me put it together.”
When you speak to women like their queens, which we should be doing with our young daughters anyway so that when they hit 50, they know exactly who they are, the biggest thing will be that internal confidence in how you talk to yourself.
For me to show you how powerful, magnetic, and amazing you are, sometimes I’ve got to talk to you a little bit differently. I’ve gotta tell you who you are! So, when you remind women in their 50s of who they are, that unleashes a whole new level of confidence, and we diminish the fear of hitting a certain age and not being able to find what you want. When women are in their 40s and 50s, we are the most confident. We know how to make money at this point; we’ve seen a lot of things, we have wisdom, and certain things are just not going to go over our heads. We are at the safest place to call in a partner if you can let go of whatever aspects of battering you have. If you can let that go, 50 is a prime time to call in your partner.
Debunking Myths
We also asked Shaneeka to debunk some common myths about dating later in life. She mentioned that she doesn’t like the notion that women have no options after 50. This myth perpetuates unnecessary fear and doubt. The reality is that there are plenty of opportunities for meaningful connections and fulfilling relationships at any age. The key is to approach dating with an open heart and mind and be willing to explore new experiences.
Is Tech Worth It? Yes
Shaneeka also supports the idea of singles 50 and older using technology to date. She helps her clients understand digital dating dynamics and believes meeting potential partners is an excellent opportunity. Embracing technology can open doors to a broader pool of connections, making finding someone who matches their interests and values easier.
Finding love after 50 is not about reminiscing about your youth; it’s about being present for the version of yourself that you are today. It’s about celebrating who you are now and opening yourself up to new possibilities.
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