Phyllis Hyman told us all about her pain in her own words. With hits like “Living All Alone” and “You Know How to Love Me,” she captivated audiences with her powerful voice and stunning stage presence. Born on July 6, 1949, the Philadelphia native, who transitioned from singing in nightclubs and on cruise ships to recording for the legendary Clive Davis, was a fixture on the charts during the 1980s and 1990s.
But beneath her polished performances, Hyman struggled with issues of loneliness, insecurity and the pressure to fit the music industry’s mold. She battled mental health and addiction issues until her untimely passing on June 30, 1995, just hours before a scheduled performance at New York City’s Apollo Theater. But while her death shocked many, Hyman often shared the reality of the loneliness and pain she experienced in interviews and in her music.
Hyman’s acknowledgment of her struggle was ahead of her time. The COVID-19 pandemic shed light on loneliness as an epidemic in our society, as an increased reliance on social media and technology has led to more isolation and fewer face-to-face interactions. The Surgeon General declared loneliness an epidemic that impacts nearly 1 in every 2 adults.
On what would have been her 77th birthday, we’re taking a look at Phyllis Hyman’s deep pain in her own words.
A Lonely Life
Hyman’s ability to move audiences with her performances of hits like “Living in Confusion” and “Living All Alone” had a great deal to do with how deeply personal the lyrics about an unsuccessful search for love were for her. Hyman often suggested that her fame and her frame (she was over six feet tall!) intimidated men.
In an interview with Donnie Simpson, Hyman revealed that she didn’t have a lot of experience with successful relationships, something that made singing about happily ever after challenging.
“What I had to do was reach into my acting chops to pull it off because there was no such thing in my life,” she said. “It makes it difficult to portray that feeling if you’re not feeling it…I don’t do good in relationships. Guys don’t really talk to me that much, I mean, they do as friends and stuff, but they don’t ask me out.”
The Fear of Never Being Good Enough
Although Hyman had proven she could be a successful solo artist, she struggled with self-esteem issues throughout her career. In an interview with Susan Taylor, she shared that her time with Arista Records helped her realize
“The fear was of not being good enough, not being pretty enough, not being thin enough. I think a lot of girls go through that,” she said. “I have just begun to put all of that aside, and I’m talking about just in the last year or two. Being with a record company that did not give me any attention started that ball rolling.”
Extreme Highs and Extreme Lows
Hyman enjoyed the perks that came along with being an international star, but she also carried the burden of the betrayal she experienced in both her personal and professional life, including a marriage that ended in 1982 and her split from Arista Records in 1984, after the label signed Whitney Houston. Hyman often said those setbacks made it difficult for her to trust people.
In a 1987 interview, she talked about how being born under the sign of Cancer meant that she experienced extreme highs and extreme lows in her life with very little middle ground.
“I’ve had a lot of emotional ups and downs,” she said. “I have begun the process of recovery, so to speak, just trying to feel better about myself, to regain my confidence…but I’ve been burned, and I’m skeptical of most people I do business with. Don’t ask me to trust you, show me.”
